A Rainy morning 4 years in the Making
A story by Suzanne Helen James
...It was a rainy morning. A rainy
monday morning. It was now 5 am. Of course, the time had been passing
by, but I knew I couldn't stop now. Nope, I wasn't allowed to stop
myself here.
If that were to happen, I don't think i
could've ever forgiven myself. After all, I only had a few lines
left in the manuscript. It wasn't going to be that hard. I was going
non-stop for the past 5 hours since about last night. Again, my
procrastination had gotten the best of me and here I was, typing and
slaving away at a computer when in normal circumstances, I should've
been asleep. Recuperating on my loss of energy. But instead, I was
far from sleepy. I was half-asleep, with the dim lit of my lamp above
me. My bed of course, is quite messy and I haven't really moved from
it since 11pm. Or probably less.
Or at least, that's what I would've
though, if the phone hadn't rang. Now, usually when I'm like this and
the phone does ring, the natural thing to do would be to leave the
ringing be and let the message go to my voicemail. That's what I
wanted. But then, I only heard one ring and it wasn't constant. So,
for some reason, I looked away from my laptop screen and looked
towards my living room, illuminated with the flickering lampost I
forgot to turn off. My gaze was fixed on the nondescript sight, the
ringing buzzing in my ears. With a single blink, I rise from my bed
and widen my bedroom door to get a full view on my living room. The
empty room was a bit cluttered with bits and pieces of cans and
clothes here and there. The couch though, was occupied; I think it
was somdeone I might've recognized. I frowned a little and scratched
my head. I should really start to clean up sometime soon. Hearing the
ringing again brough my attention back to the phone. I picked up the
receiver and then dialed 9. Without another thought, I then unlocked
my door and walked out the hallway. Thank goodness that no one was
awake in the morning to see a skinny black girl in an old
spaghetti-strap tank and short shorts looking like she had just
gotten run over.
Though you might as well say I had,
because that's what I felt like.
Ignoring the thought of the elevator, I
then take the stairs until I finally reach the main floor. Note that
I was also barefoot. And even though the janitor made sure that no
debris, grime, dust or anything remotely disgusting strayed on his
floors, I knew that his work would all be in vain. Feeling my face
contract from a frown to a more agressive scowl, I groan and bide my
time, trying to ignore the light squishing sounds I feel under my
delicate feet. This also reminded me that I was in serious need of
pedicure in the very near future. Muttering to myself at my lack of
hygiene, I reach the door and push the handle open when I see her
face.
And then, my world freezes.
She was drenched. Freezing, most
likely. Her brown eyes reflected the color of bleak, black mud. Her
hair was plastered to her face and her heck with wetness. And crap,
oh crap, she just looked like she was going to die. Or rather, she
looked like she had just attempted to die and royally failed. As our
eyes meet, my face isn't so menacing anymore. Infact, my expression
softens when i see her. I looked at that familiar face, who
apparently I couldn't bare to forget even though God knows I tried. I
looked at her wrinkled blue coat, and then I just closed my eyes. Now
I would have to remember this, too. Swallowing my saliva, I extend a
hand towards her and she grabs it frantically. Throwing caution to
the wind, I then wrapped my arms around her. I feel her cold, panting
and I think I feel her crying.
Well, at least this shook up my
morning. Realizing that it had been a while since we hugged out here
in the freezing rain, I sugh and finally seperate from her. Without
saying or doing much else, I still grab her hand as I walk back
inside. In the elevator, I had the intention of letting go of her
hand, but she doesn't at all. Infact, she holds onto my arm as in
clinging onto it for dear life. Blinking at this unorthodox
behaviour, I still don't say anything. And of course, neither does
she. By the time, we reach my floor, I realize that I still hadn't
exactly said anything to her. But then, it's not like she said
anything to me. It was just like that with us. We were the kind of
people who were very talkative yet very private and quiet all at
once.
Although, with each other in question,
it's more complicated than that.
Scrounging my key from my small pocket,
i unlock it and with a strong swing of my taken arm and my free one,
I throw her inside the apartment. Slamming the door shut, I lean
against it, gawking at the grinning girl on the floor. Now this was
the time to actually examine the situation. Though it was a situation
that I was no so happy with. Even though it did seem that I did, with
the hugging in the rain and all. As for her, she was now on the
floor, legs crossed and gawking around the messy apartment. Usually
at this time, something rude and random should've come out of her
mouth.
At least it would've 4 years ago. But
that was then. This is now. Things can happen in a little bit.
“Jennifer Sekiguchi,” I then say,
the words rolling out of my mouth. When was the last time I had
uttered that name in such...confusion? In such curiosity? And maybe,
anguish...? Jennifer looks up at me with those eyes of her and smiles
defeatedly. It's like she wanted to say, “Yes, yes, i know. It's
me. The one and only Jennifer Sekiguchi. I never realy treated you
like a friend very much, yet I still wanted to have you in my life.
If I'm reaching out to you now, it's likely that I'm actually
breaking down inside.”
...Or something of that vague
description.
“You want anything?” I then ask as
I scratch my head. Still smiling faintly, she nods and raises her
hand at me. I pull her up and running a hand through a wet mop of jet
black hair, I scoff and ruffle her hair. Giggling, she then took off
her coat and handed it to me while I pointed to the couch and the
person lying on it. “Don't use that; someone's probably
recuperating.” “...Wow, Lilsters. You sure can party hardy.”
This was coming from the girl who once “studied hard and partied
hard.” All in good stride, I guess. Lilsters was her odd nickname
for me. I never really considered giving her one, but once in a while
that name would pop up and I would just shrug. Who was I to care what
was in her head? All I was suppose to want was her health and her
well-being.
“Well, I am in legal age to do so. No
supervision, no limits but my own.”
Not adding much else to the
conversation, I return to the living room, with two glasses of
freshly-squeezed Orange juice. At this time of morning, alcohol is
far from the solution. Especially you needed to calm down...from
whatever it is that needs calming. Using the free and clean-looking
couch, I then place the glasses on the glass table. I then take full
account that she's still sopping wet and she'll catch even more of a
cold if left in such damp conditions. Catching that too, the smirking
Jennifer rose to her feet and placed a hand on her hip. “Where's
the fabled bedroom?” She taunts. “I'd like to actually see what
it looks like.” Rolling my eyes, I point behind her and she runs
off towards it, taking off bits and pieces of her wet clothes along
the way. As for me, I just snorted and slurped my OJ. It was quite
juicy and fruity.
Thank you, Minute maid.
Coming out of my bedroom in a blanket,
a sweater and some tights (of course, these are all MY clothes),
Jennifer then returned to my side. Still smiling, she then draped the
blanket on us. Yes, she was as giddy as ever. It was amazing how
vunerable she had been only but probably 20 minutes ago. But then...I
looked again. Under that sparkle in her eyes, there was something
deeper there. With that bubbly, energetic voice, there was something
deeper. I knew better than to fall for her happy trick. Again, note
the emphasis on how she came to be at my doorstep; drenched, beaten
down (emotionally) and weak. So for her to make a comeback was just
amplifying the signal that she was just desperate for comforting and
healing...and all that mumbo jumbo that in this case, actually seems
to make sense.
So I might as well do my job and do it
well.
“Cut the act, Jennifer. You came to
me drenched, crying and hurt. Obviously something must've happened
back home. I haven't seen you in 4 years and this isn't exactly a way
to say hello.”
Eyes widening as I stabbed through her,
she blinked and then flopped her head on the other side of the couch.
Dead and center, but hey, she asked for it. I get a hug and bonding,
I'd also like a full-on explanation for why she's back. Especially
when I shouldn't want her back at all. A few minutes of silence
reigns betyween us, but this time it's different.
I can actually tell that there will be
a positive outcome out of this conversation.
Sighing, the Jennifer I remember from
outside finally lets her guard down. She sighs and frowns befeore
saying anything else. Snuggling under my blanket, she lays her head
down on the armrest and closes her eyes.
“Well, if you wanna know where
exactly to start from...first off, I came out to them.”
By them, she obviously meant the
parents. I ndodded and gulped another mouthfull of Orange juice.
“...I'm guessing they didn't take it our too well.” Naturally,
the parents wouldn't take it off well, but it wasn't the time to
dwell on that. She nodded and ran her head through her hair. I
suddenly had an urge to do that again. Damn it.
But nonetheless, Jennifer continued on
with her story.
“...At school, I fell for this girl.
It was actually love at first sight. We were pretty tight...But then,
I was kinda scared where she wanted to introduce to the parents.”
“...Uh huh. So? What does it matter?
You love her, you meet the parents, end of discussion. Not so hard.”
Then again, I hadn't gone through that
process in a little bit; my love life had dried up the last little
while. Blame my budding writing career. And I suppose my growing lack
of empathy for others. But...Jennifer was a different story once upon
a time. It's weird how things end up.
“...But then, I was thinking about my
own parents.”
“And what, you freaked out?”
Another silence as I again pierced her
psyche. Goodness, it really was interesting to see how these things
happen. I had once been in her position, and she had once been in
mine. With the roles reversed, I say that this is one heck of a
monday morning. A rainy one, but a monday morning nonetheless.
Sighing, I then relax on the couch as well. All I was to do now was
listen. After all, the few times we actually interacted without any
negative repercussions was when either was down in the dumps, our
friends were away and of course, our parents couldn't REALLY
understand what exactly was going on. So that's when I suppose would
be the last resort when she called me.
And now, it was exactly that moment
again. Except with a different atmosphere, a different time and a
different place.
“...Yeah,” she said, I freaked out
big time. So...for the last year, I kinda dropped University
altogether for now...”
“...And you've been out on your ass
for the last little bit. Well, how's that feel, then?”
“...It feels...interesting.”
“...So then, why involve me into
this? It seems to be more of a learning curve for you than anything.”
Her face then turned sour and confused
aas she reflected on my answers. She must've thought that since I was
once the hopeless dreamer, I was suppose to tell her thing to cheer
her up. Well, that wasn't exactly the case anymore. Looking back on
that, what I was doing 20 minutes ago was just acting out of age old
impulses. Then again, 4 years wasn't that far of a stretch. Back in
the present, Jennifer stayed silent. On my side on the couch, I
sighed and shuffled my feet to the left to accomodate her a little.
Accepting the invitation, she takes in the small space and I feel
cool toes on my thighs. We had never really been this...I guess the
word would've been close, but intimate seems to be more like it.
...Again, she and I are a complicated
subject.
“...Well,” I then said, “...If
you wanna bunk here, I suppose you're welcome to do so as long as you
want. Just do your workload and we'll be fine.” By that time,
Jennifer had fallen asleep. Muttering to myself, I sighed and
grumbled. If I moved away, it would disturb her sleep and that just
wouldn't be nice. Not to mention, she's not a heavy sleeper at first
sight. And of course, my manuscript, still in the laptop...in my
room.
Well, that was just more electricity
for my bill. Oh, how nice indeed. Do note the frequent use of sarcasm
here.
After that interesting morning,
Jennifer had “officially” moved into my apartment. It was oddly
convenient that my actual roomate had decided to move out the
afternoon following Jennifer's sudden arrival. It was also eerie how
everything seemed so calm, so...peaceful. So alright. When we talked,
Jennifer was a bubbly, excited, lively human being, always asking
questions about my current life. I, of course, was the polar opposite
of that; grmupy, sarcastic and always on my guard. And the funny
thing was...4 years ago, Jennifer had once been in my position and I
had once been in hers.
People in my life came and went, but
now Jennifer was part of that life. It was so strange how she easily
slipped in and out of my apartment and her presence felt...good. It
wasn't alarming, it was out of context, it was just...good. Warm.
Amicable.
Again, note that she and I are people.
And people do change. Even switch personalities if they want to.
From that rainy Monday onward, the rest
of the week went on like this. The actual subject of why she was
here, in my apartment, trying to be the perfect roomate, was never
really brought up again. After all, despite our friendly demeanors
towards each other after a 4-year hiatus was also something of a
defense mechanism. Especially for Jennifer, who I knew better, but
hadn't really said much.
It was on a Saturday afternoon. We had
grown into the habit of sleeping in the afternoon and waking in the
evening. However, this was an exception. I was the first one to
awaken and by that time, Jennifer would still be in a deep sleep.
Delicately moving my feet away from hers, I then rise to my feet on
tip-toe. Before returning to my room, I then look back at her face.
Her eyes closed, she looked different. Then it occured to me that I
might've never sen Jennifer sleep. Ever. Though that was normal, we
never invited each other over for sleepovers.
Though if we had sleepovers together,
there wouldn't be a point to gawk at the sleeping face of another
human being. Though...there would be reason to watch her face.
Thinking back on it, I do exactly that. Dark eyes locked on her face
as her chest breathes up and down. Her fingers trembles are she
dreams.The look of peacefulness she has on her face.
It was then that I knew what the small
things in a person was. Narrowing my eyes, I closed my eyes and moved
away from the slumbering Jennifer. This was just another passing
fancy. Though it had already happened once, no need for it to happen
again. Shaking my head, I returned to my room to finish those last
darned pages of that manuscript I promised.
...An hour later, an awoken Jennfier
stumbles into my room, though I ignore her. By ignore, I meant don't
look at her yet reply at her “Hello!” with another “Hello.”
“So, what are ya doing?” she asks, flopping down on the floor
next to me. Not even getting a glance at her, I keep my focus. “Short
story column,” I said in a monotone manner. “Gotta finish it as
quickly as possible.”
“...Can I help?”
“...Sorry, but I don't see how your
help would be beneficial at this point. Besides, I'm almost done this
part. Just a few pages more to go.”
“...I see. You're pretty set on
focusing on your career, huh?”
“Yep. Writing is the goal for me.”
“...You were always so deadset on
things. Chased it through the end.”
This conversation was again interesting
because she was trying to drive it and I was most likely diverting
away from it. Either way, I was still focused on the computer screen
and not so much the distracting Jennifer. Glancing at the clock on
the lower left corner of the screen, I tried to boost her morale. She
could talk to me, just not gain my full attention.
Again, the reversal of roles was
something fascinating for me.
“...So Jen...”
“Yeah?”
The Jen nickname wasn't something I
used personally, but when I had used it, she seemed a lot
happier...so I might as well, right?
“...Tell me more about your coming
here. You seem to be more in a talkative mood, so you can explain to
me more. But again, feel free to live and bed here, just as long as
you do your own workload.”
Nodding as she understood, Jennifer
then smirked and shrugged. “Well...the girl in question had been
really cute. And really supportive, too. She was really adamant on me
meeting her parents...and all that.”
“...Of course, of course. So
then...what happened?”
“...As you know I bailed out!”
“And why was that?”
Another silence from Jennifer as she
bit her lip. I shrugged and clicked and clacked on. If she really
wanted it to, then she would tell me things at her own time. That was
the way things were. It was a very efficient waiting game.
Especially with her, beacuse she was a very impatient girl. Even 4
years down the road, she still had her tantrums. So then, I asked to
spice up the conversation...
“Did you and Mikhail Sorovich get
back together or something?”
Well, this was certainly a trick
question because 4 years ago, Jennifer had taken an interest in the
guy. 4 years ago, I had met Jennifer under different circumstances.
And 4 years and 6 days later, after a bittersweet transition phase,
here she was, drenched, shivering and crying. And in that same day,
here we were again, trying to talk to each other without ripping our
heads off.
Just like the good old days.
Well now I know that nothing's really
changed. 4 years down the road and still some funny stuff. I know
that this time, the converation might take a bad turn.
Scoffing lightly, Jennifer elbows the
edge of the matress near my knee. “Well...I guess he and I still
talk every once in a while. But no, we never did get back
together...so he wasn't the reason.” I nod in understanding and
continue on...
“...Jennifer...why did you really
leave University?”
I knew that THAT question would be a
glassbreaker because I knew better. I knew her better by now. I've
always known. It was all going to come and bite her in the ass. She
just expected it and ran in my direction so she could avoid it. Thus
time, the silence had a different feel.
Oh well. If she didn't like it, she
never had to bring it up.
“...You really wanna know?”
This was fun. I nodded and pressed on.
“...Yeah. I'm curious as to why one
person would suddenly disrupt your entire future like that. I mean,
come on now...you were in the same situation, yet she most likely
continued on her education...and if you really loved her, you
would've stayed. You would've stayed and not broken her heart.
But...nope. Apparently, you're so screwed up that you ran away from
it all; from her, from the parents, from yours...and you came to me.
Not your friends. Not your exes. Me. And we're not much of friends to
begin with-”
I would've finished my sentence , my
Jennifer-bashing and might've gotten somewhere if I hadn't gotten
pummeled to the matress by violent hands pushing me down on the bed.
It was then that I saw them again. Those brown eyes burning through
my own vision. My eyes widened as I was reflected in her eyes. Her
fists grabbing the straps of my tank top and burning my shoulder with
heat. My glasses flew over my head and landed on the floor and
imediately, I felt another weight towering me. Okay, I guess now
would be where she was thinking “Enough is enough.”
Although in Jennifer's mind, it would
end up a little more complicated than that.
“You wanna know WHY I didn't go
back?”
Obviously, the answer is yes.
“...I didn't go back there...because
I was scared...” Yeah, we've gotten to that part more than a few
times, “..I was scared that I wouldn't love her
enough...and...and...damn it!”
“..And what?” I thought, “I
suddenly popped into your mind?”
Well, wasn't this a turn of events. She
was afraid of not loving her enough...was this because she was in
love with someone else? Had she been in love with someone else all
this time? If so...Then why hook up with that girl in the first
place? Why ruin all your academic potential for one girl? Why run
away from it all and abandon it all at a drop of a hat, for a grumpy,
sarcastic struggling writer who just happened to be that girl you
always used a last resort? If your friends are away and you need to
shop, she asked me. If the parents were being assholes and
disrepecting her private space, she whined to me.
...And in this case, if there was a
girl that you've always loved but coudn't yourself to tell it to her
face until now, well, Jennifer once again asked me. Not just because
I was the girl in question.
I had been pretty stupid like that.
Stupid to the point of ignoring why she really did what she did.
Stupid of ignoring her emails all this time and trying to focus on my
career. I thought I would've liked to have a future that wouldn't
involve her. But that was pretty stupid too. Because it was Jennifer
Sekiguchi we were talking about. The name came into my thoughts
rather differently this time.
It wasn't filled with anguish. The
curiosity was still there. The confusion was all but gone.
And note that this was before she dove
down to kiss me.
The kiss itself was awkward and
surprising. I felt her tongue invade my mouth, hungrily like it had
been ages since she'd swapped spit with another human being. Though,
it had only been...less than a month if Jennifer's story had any
meaning to it. Well, it had been 6 years since this all began, but 4
years since we've actually parted. Of course in the six years,
nothing had actually occured. It was all in subtetly. It was always
like that with us.
Either way, this kiss must've been
taken forever for her to muster. Who would've figured that it
would've taken her until she was 21, a University dropout and on her
knees to realize that she loved me?
Though it was too quick to jump back
into this with the thought that this feeling might be love. I
might've been kissing back because I needed some entertainment in my
life. It just so happened that she had been the one spark in my life
that who would always flicker. And well, she might've come to me
because she needed to escape from parental pressures, find something
else to satisfy her and stalk me. It was even worse that I easily
complied with her little schemes. I couldn't been hard to find, but
she found me.
Minutes later, we parted from our first
kiss. “...Well, Jennifer...” I managed, “...Is
there...something you want to tell me?” Then I saw it again, the
flicker, the spark. It was hers. And then, she laughed. I hadn't
heard a laugh like that in years.
...On that rainy monday morning, 4
years later, she found me.
And now what will happen the morning
after the rain?
That's left for us to see.
Labels: original story, prompt, prose, spasms of free thought
