The King of Everything

Masterpost Here

I'm the one, the only, the King…of Everything!”
A dialogue by Suzanne Helen James
Characters:
.King Cavalan Ernesto Edmond Duveau, Heir of Trudgar
.His assistant, Dymus the squire
.His honorable knight, Sir Armani Prada Helfer

(Scene opens with the king Cavalan and his squire, Dymus, on a horse. Cavalan is wearing a large, shiny new crown and he's holding a nice, large golden staff.)


Cavalan- “Well, goodie! I, the new King of Everything, shall now begin my reign!”

Dymus- “ALL HAIL HIS HIGHNESS! HE SHALL NOW BEGIN HIS REIGN!”

Cavalan- “All the peasants in the land shall now bow down before me!”

Dymus- “Ya hear that, all ya peasants in the land? You’ll be bowin’ down before your king!”

Cavalan- “And all you nobles, you other kings and you other queens…you will all bow down and proud to me, your new King…of Everything!”

Dymus- “That’s right, nobles! You too, will bow down and proud to your King..of everything! Bow down and proud!”

Cavalan- “…Ooh! Your new King has just found other beings to reign over! He is of course, the one…the only…the King Cavalan Edmond Duveau…of Trudgar!”

Dymus- “Ya hear that? That’s right! You mindless, insignificant and miniscule other beings! Rejoice for your newfound freedom within the reign of his highness, the one, the only the King Cavalan Edmond Duveau…of Trudgar!”

Cavalan- “Why Dymus! What beautiful and tyrannic speech-making! Your newly appointed King Cavalan is quite pleased! He is so happy with your performance…that he shall give you a reward! Dymus, lend your king your brain, for he would like to think of a reward for you!”

Dymus- “Well…all the reward I need is your words o blessings an’ nothin’ more! Nothin’ more shall be said now…though what’s this? Your new king is bein’ approached! Whoever ya are…would ya halt for the new King…of Everything!”

Cavalan- “Ahhh…yes, how can I forget? Little ants…little bugs…little grass…and little trees! Your newly appointed King of Everything has now stopped his horse trek! Swift execution shall be dealt to you if you fail to comply to my demands! And as your new King Cavalan Edmond Duveau of Trudgar, I demand utter obedience! Is that clear, my dear trees, my dear grass, my dear bugs and my dear ants?”

Dymus- “Ya hear that, ya fugly trees? Ya hear that, ya bucklin ants? Ya movin bugs? Your newly appointed King shall kill ya swiftly if you ain't obeyin' him!”

(The intruder in question is actually Cavalan's most loyal knight, Sir Armani Prada Helfer. Unfortunately, he brings to the gloating King bad news...he'll try to, anyway.)


Armani- “My lord!”

Cavalan- “Oh Dymus, look! My knight in shining armor, my beloved Armani, has come to watch me reign! Look, look, look! See how I have the trees, the bugs, the ants and even the grass at my feet and under my rule? Do tell him, Dymus! I know he wants to know…don’t you, Armani dear?”

Armani- “Ah! But sir…”

Cavalan- “Ah, ah, ahh! My Armani is now adressing his new King, who now has control over everything! And as ruler of everything, his highness requests that Armani close his pretty mouth and watch Dymus as he telsl you how I am the King of Everything!”

Armani- “But, sir…that’s just it.”

Cavalan- “Hmm…What’s this? I hear distress in Armani’s voice! Is this puberty rearing its ugly, pubic head or…perhaps, is it a midlife crisis? Either way, I, your King Cavalan, shall destroy it! After all, I am King of, well…Everything! I am master of every single thing I survey, am I not? Yes, I am.”

Armani- “…Well, your highness…this title of “King of Everything” isn’t…it isn’t exactly true anymore.”

Cavalan- “GASP! Dymus, your King gasps! Capture my escaping breaths! H-How can your beloved King Cavalan Edmond Ernesto Duveau…be no longer your King of Everything?”

Armani- “Well…first off, you reign over this land yes?”

Cavalan- “Why, Armani! Of course I reign over this land, for I reign over everything!”

Armani- “Well...do you reign over the Ocean?”

Cavalan- “GASP! Why, Armani! Of course your king reigns over the Ocean! Do you hear me, Ocean? Your King, Cavalan Ernesto Edmond Duveau of Trudgar rules you!”

Dymus- “You hear that blue, blubbering Ocean? Your new king rules you! His highness
Cavalan Ernesto Edmond Duveau rules over ya!”

Armani- (sigh) “I'm sorry, but your highness doesn't reign over the Ocean.”

Cavalan- “W-what? Oh no! Dymus, your King gasps again! Catch his breath! Dymus, tell me that Armani dearest is lying to me! But I am your King of Everything! How can everything NOT be the Ocean too?”

Armani- “...Well, everything here, sir. That's what I meant to tell you. I was going to say that you, your highness Cavalan Ernesto Edmond Duveau, heir of Trudgar, have sole property...over this land...which...isn't actually everything.”

Dymus- “Why how can you say that, knight Armani? We all are property of the King! Over land, air and sea of the world!”

Armani- “Oh but Dymus, you knew this too! Don't deny it now of all times!”

(As the clueless King is shocked at the new development, Dymus is spared for now. Heck, Cavalan doesn't seem to realize that his own righthand man knows something he doesn't. Either way...What does this mean?)


Cavalan- “W-w-what? Ohhh no! Your King gasps! Again! How can it be that...Your...king...is...NOT...the king...of...everything?”

Armani- “I'm afraid not, your highness. You are not the king of the Ocean, which is infinite...nor are you the King of our neighbours the Grahams, who are invading as of this moment...and whether you'd like to believe it or not, you are NOT the king of the peasants; for you no longer have any peasants to rule over. They were either slaughtered or they ran off when your family had taken over the land.”

Cavalan- “...Oh...your king blinks. Dymus?”

Dymus- “Yes, your highness?”

Cavalan- “Do I rule over the lakes on this island?”

Dymus- “Yes...you rule over the lakes on this island, your majesty.”

Cavalan- “Dymus, do I rule over the deserted and pillaged villages that remain?”

Dymus- “Yes, your majesty rules over the deserted and pillaged villages that remain...on this island.”

Cavalan- “...Dymus...the Grahams are on my land now, aren't they?”

Dymus- “...I do say that I believe so, sir.”

Cavalan- “Then goodie gumdrops! Let the good times spread! Let all the trees hear it! Let all the birds hear it! Let all the maimed, bleeding, dying villagers hear it!

Armani- “But, your highness...”

Cavalan- “You know what? Let the bloodthirsty, guileless, ravaging Grahams who have set foot on this island, they who have only thoughts of killing in mind...let THEM hear it! After all, they cannot invade my territory, for I rule over everything!”

Dymus- “At your request, your highness!”

Armani- “Oh my goodness! I should get flee- I mean, hurrying! I will task myself of spreading the good news! Goodbye, your majesty! I now take my leave! (under breath) Before I get killed...off to greener pastures..and safety.”

Cavalan- “Oh, oh, ohhh! Look at that! My knight serves me well! Run, run, run, My beloved Armani! Tell the good news! Oh go and tell them, tell them, tell them! Tell them that I, your new King Cavalan Ernesto Edmond Duveau, heir of Trudgar, rules you all! He rules over the trees! He rules over the birds! He rules over you bones on the ground! He...Ow! Your king...he bleeds! He gasps...”

(As the last scene comes to a close, Cavalan is stabbed and falls on the ground without much of another word. A shocked Dymus watches from nearby as he is also stabbed without warning...but not without parting words.)


Dymus- “Awright, then! All of ya, listen to his highness! He is now your appointed ruler, heir of Trudgar and King o the bloody free world! His royal monarch Cavalan Ernesto Edmond Duveau rules over the trees! He rules over the birds! He rules over the arrows flyin' in the air! He rules over the soil, the grass...(he gets hit by an arrow) H-ha! Oh no, your highness falls! He falls on his earth! Your highness will forever rule over the blood...the arrow piercing his heart...and yeah...he rules over ya too, who's stabbin' me! You...hear...me? Your...highness...is...the new...King...of...Everythin...!”