Weekend extra dose of incoherency

English 1100 Assignment

Submitted on January 8th 2014

Featured from a "Girl's story" by David Arnason

((Original story can be found online. Return to the Masterpost?))

“Re-write the ending of the story. The last paragraph of the story is cut and the revised ending starts from from the fact that Gregg sees them kiss.”

“That's no good. It brings in too many unexplained facts at the last minute.

Indeed, let's backtrack and leave Linda and Michael to go find Gregg. You see, what Linda and Michael don't know is that Gregg has been hiding nearby in a bush and has been following Linda. He was doing this because he loved her as well, even though he didn't show it nor did he mean it, but he said it to her at least and that was enough for Gregg, who really had no other reason to live but Linda.

By the way, I'm not kidding. Gregg was literally only alive for Linda.

You see, Michael was a doctor; a military scientist, in fact. He built Gregg to make Linda simultaneously miserable and conflicted over meeting “the perfect man” who was so handsome yet so ugly in personality. In doing so, Linda would escape from Gregg's clutches as Michael planned and there on the river, the two would meet and fall in love. However, Gregg was an experiment who worked too well and with time, grew dangerously attached to Linda, thus leading to his watching the couple from across the river bank.

While it seems like this disregards the whole of what I've written before, the truth is that I actually didn't tell you beforehand because I wanted it to be a surprise.

I'm telling you this now because I'm not the same writer as I was before; this time around, I'm sober and I'm different. This time, I want to make sure that this story will end with you liking Gregg whether you want it or not.

Because Greg is a special guy! He's as handsome as Linda described him, with a statuesque build, a shade of striking green eyes that highlight his greasy, dirty blond hair...and also, like the perfect man he was made to be, Gregg had the amazing talent of pointing out everything wrong with Linda's body and life decisions.

However, you have to understand that Gregg's attitude of rudeness and general condescension wasn't his fault. He was literally built unable to express his feelings towards others; not to his creator, nor his mother, sister or even his beloved Pet, who was also named Linda.

This was because Michael had inserted in him a broken heart that had suffered one too many times; This resulted in Gregg always being angry at the world, brooding at the state of his unique perfection and lamenting of his inability to understand women because they were heartless bitches who were also crazy.

But this was ok too because he was a man.

Men aren't created to talk about their feelings.

Plus, being a self absorbed idiot is totally hot in a guy.

See how I used irony there?

Gregg's sulking, controlling and selfish personality once worried his adopted parents, who just wanted the boy to find a nice Linda to settle down with and be the handsome man he was created to be, despite the occasional moments of spontaneous brooding, drinking and grunting wherever he went, only stopping when he was at home to punch his fist into a wall...

Which is what Gregg's brain told him to do when he saw his beloved and his creator kiss at that last scene. His heart then shrank three sizes smaller...losing his resolve and deciding to forego his reason and fight foolishly without asking questions, Greg rose from the bushes and leapt forward onto the other side of the river, crushing a peanut in his hand and crumbling the shell further with his foot.

Because peanuts aren't biblical, I can use them metaphorically describe the decimation of Gregg's life because it's crushed, rough to the touch, rusted and quite dull like the contents of Gregg's brain, which is nothing.

And this will how I'll close the story.

As Gregg leapt to attack, Michael grabbed Linda and turned his back on Gregg, shelding her from his body coming down on them as the angry Gregg crushed them. “I'll protect you!” he said before pushing Linda away and being slammed six feet into the ground.